A6136 through Catterick Garrison to be made into dual carriageway

Road chiefs plan to convert the A6136 through Catterick Garrison and Colburn into dual carriageway, Richmondshire Today can reveal.

The road from the Camp Centre roundabout to the A1 junction will be ugraded to four lanes.

The work is due to start later this year and is scheduled to take six years to complete, although officials admit it could take twice as long if it rains or is a bit windy doing the construction period.

Roger McTaggatt, from the council, admits the work will cause considerable disruption to residents and local businesses, but says he couldn’t give a monkeys.

“For a few years we are going to make life really hard for everyone who relies on their vehicle to get about.

“If you have watched the start of La La Land when everyone is stuck in traffic and starts singing and dancing it will be a bit like that, only there will be no singing or dancing. Falling Down is probably a better cultural comparison when Michael Douglas gets so fed up with the congestion and life in general he goes on a violent rampage.

“What was I saying? Oh yes. Basically, and I’m not going to lie to you, it will take weeks to get from one side of Catterick to the other while this work is ongoing.”

Mr McTaggatt said if he lived locally or ran a local business he would probably move away or just shut up shop.

“If you come back in 2030 we should hopefully be done,” he added.

“We have undertaken literally minutes of preparation ahead of construction work starting. We even pulled up a manhole cover.

“There was a load of cables and pipes and stuff, but I’m sure it will be okay once we get started.

“If it’s not you will never hear from me again.”

Once completed the work is expected to mean it takes seven seconds less to get from Catterick Garrison to Colburn, which experts have calculated will save the local economy £4.76 a day.

The contractors who will be doing the work say they will have their best man on the job, and if Tony has a day off or isn’t feeling too good as he’s had one too many Dark Fruits the night before they will draft in Jerry from accounts to keep things ticking along.

The firm has agreed to spend £75 on some garden furniture from Wicks to make up for the inconvenience.

They will also fix the cash machines at Tesco.

Local councillor Susan Sarandon said that while she was not looking forward to the decade of delays and congestion, if it meant those bloody cash machines got fixed it was a price worth paying.

 

 

11 Comments

  1. And they are going to build 30000 new houses between Colburn and Catterck Village.

  2. + all the new houses. Is it also possible the infrastructure, especially the sewers will be upgraded?

  3. I also understand that if Remain won the Brexit vote we would all go over to driving on the right. The changeover would be phased with even number cars changing over one week and odd numbers the next

  4. Brilliant!! I was briefly fooled. So my 80th birthday will have to be re-scheduled to allow for faster shopping between Aldi and Lidl.

  5. RDC have stated that when the work starts everyone in Colburn will cease paying council tax. Bring it on.

  6. So funny but when I asked people to read it they really thought it was true until halfway through it suddenly dawned on them – I think the Tesco cash machines finally gave it away. Great article Joe!

  7. Very amusing and well constructed from start to finish. Nice to see a little local comedy. Shame most of it had such factual relevance though.
    Keep up the good work!

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