DALES VIEW: Nobody came knocking on our door

Our street had a win on the Postcode Lottery recently.

Most of the street did anyway; some of us didn’t get a ticket.

Missed out on a grand but didn’t have annoying people in red jackets singing on the doorstep so swings and roundabouts.

What would you do though if you did buy a ticket and you did win, and it was a life-changing amount? Would you be sensible? Invest most of it and live off the interest or would you go bonkers?

I’m a sucker for a tabloid story about winners who squandered their millions spectacularly.

“I won £100m and I spent it all within six months on cars, cosmetic surgery and my own private theme park.” That kind of thing.

You’ve got to admire the Scottish winner who bought his local football club with his winnings.

A read about recent winners who bought a dilapidated country estate with their millions and are now renovating it. That appeals to me too.

It’s best not to spend too much time thinking about it though as it’s unlikely to happen. Even if it did, I’d not be going public. The only tell-tale signs would be a new lawnmower and Lurpak on my toast rather than supermarket own brand marg.

Your favourite monthly magazine would stop popping through your door too!

In other news, I’ve written a guidebook about Swaledale, which some of you may be interested in. I’ve never written a book before and I’m unlikely to do so again as the glacier which shaped the dale went at a quicker pace than me knocking out a few thousand words on sheep, castles and little boys shoved down holes.

Tell me to do a job in half an hour and I’ll get it done, tell me something needs to be done in six months and I’ll wait five months and 25 days before properly getting going.